I feel itchy telling you this.
A bit shaky.
Obviously consumed with guilt and mortification.
Who to blame?
Lack of sleep? Too much caffeine? Julian for his refusal to get in the swimming pool? My Dad and his penchant for the same word when mad?
No I think it’s because I am human.
As Mothers (and Father’s), we forget that we are not perfect.
We keep up our standards and if we can’t we hide these dirty secrets with shame.
If you keep these secrets, if you hold on to them, they fester and make you feel less.
So I thought I’d admit it, have a laugh about it, double the hugs for Julian. I’ll take any criticism you want to give me so I can help those that are hiding their own less-than-perfect motherhood secrets.
I’m trying to be authentic, true to who I am and I come with faults. I don’t swear much but if I am mad….it’s hard to keep it in.
I said something along the lines of, “Get the fffff in the pool.” My tricks weren’t working and I got really, really mad. Instant regret. Hopefully no one else heard me. Hopefully Julian didn’t register the naughty word. I just changed tactic and moved on.
Moved on with my day and with my week.
Basked in the smile Julian gave me yesterday when I picked him up, as he shouted to the teacher proudly, “That’s my Mum!”
And I am.
I’m his Mum, I’m not perfect, and I love him with my whole heart.