Zen Fighting

Hubby and I had a little squabble this morning.

This is kind of how it went:

Him: Blame, blame, blame – refer to past similar situations – future projection about huge catastrophe if he hadn’t brought it up.

Me: Kindness, love, light. Judgement on how totally not zen he is. Then silent treatment for his punishment.

The rest of the day I spent contemplating all the ways I was right.

Julian then comes in (he’s not at school as he’s got a broken arm) and dobs on Leo for opening a pack of water balloons that totally need the instruction.

Me: Leo!!! Blame, blame, blame -refer to past similar situations-  future projection on big impending catastrophe where no one gets to play with balloons ever.

Me: (silently) Fuck.

Spend the rest of the day contemplating how much more zen I need to be and how big my zen ego is about it all.

Have big hugs with everyone and admit to random shopkeeper that I lost it this morning because I couldn’t keep the guilt in.

Get to the end of the day miraculously without my wine crutch and am sitting at the computer.

Leo gets out of bed for the first time of the evening and comes in to tell me he’s scared – he says this as he looks around the room for something interesting to do.

Leo: Can I put on this?”  Puts rolled up yoga mat on arm.

Me: No.

Leo: Its my heavy arm not my little arm. So can I bring it in (to bed)?”

Me: No.

Leo: Mum?

Me: Yep?

Leo: “I love you (sounds more like I luv chu)”. Heads off to bed without a second thought of being scared.

Me: Me too buddy. Me too.

We hoard resentment. We hoard wrongs. We hoard past hurts.

But kids don’t. They move on. They open their little hearts up and keep them open until someone tells them not to.

We have so much to learn from our children and Motherhood is just the most amazing course you will ever take for your own personal growth.

Kindness, love, light 🙂


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