I am always asking myself,
“Am I doing enough?” “
“What have I forgotten?”
“What am I supposed to be doing?”
Because free time in this society is such a rarity. It feel illicit.
I have every right to lie down on the couch in the middle of the day if that’s what I feel my body needs.
But it feels like if I got caught then there would be shame.
I’d be ashamed that the dishes hadn’t been done, yet here I was lounging.
Ashamed that there was washing to do, forms to fill out, notes to read, errands to be done, things to be bought.
But yet do you see how wrong that is?
My body is telling me to lie down. It is saying that this is what you need right now and the absolute kindest thing I can do for myself was to follow that intuition.
Everything else is done in the time-frame it needs to be done.
I do have the house tidy when my husband gets home. The dinner is cooked. The kids are often bathed and fresh and beautiful.
But it is not my husband judging.
I am judging myself. The “head of activities” in my mind doesn’t want to let me rest for even one minute.
Not one minute.
There is a voice judging me right now. Do I really want to post this? Do I want to let everyone know that during the day I often need to lie down for twenty minutes or so to recharge and refresh?
I’m on the verge of tears because my excuses are coming through:
Elijah is still not sleeping through the night
The kids are up so early all the time
I am on the move from the minute I wake up
I don’t get much me time
I’m on the verge of tears because do you see that we don’t need excuses? That we don’t need to be judged. That if we let everything be in our own mind then our life would be beautiful?
What I am trying to say is start to delve deeper into yourself because it helps.
Because knowing and understanding the way you and your mind works means that you can stop yourself being cruel. You can stop yourself judging because it is only a belief and you can let them go.
They are not truths.
They are not your truth.
The gorgeous feeling in your body that is telling you to lie down, enticing you with promises that it’s really ok and you’ll get everything done later is the right one.
Follow the positive vibes in your life and kick the negative ones out.
I totally hear you sister! I suffer from fatigue and with 2 small children, a house to run and pets to look after, I too have previously experienced thay guilty feeling. I have learned to listen to my body and rest when I need to (although sometimes you can’t if its school puck up time lol), and to let go of that guilt (most of the time)
I understand , I did that today , I felt my body telling me that but my mind was saying u r on holiday , I should be doing something like walking on the beach but I’d just spent 3 hours wrapping the kids pressies and all I wanted to do was lie on the Couch .xx