Too Close to Home

Today’s Mantra: Life is beautiful

I watched a show last night that really got to me. I won’t say what it was in case I spoil the plot.

It’s amazing how your mind let’s you get on with things and how life lets you move on from tragedy. You never forget, but you heal.

Last night one of the show’s main characters was giving birth to a baby who she knew would not survive.  It was gritty and real and so emotional for me.

She was in a hospital room, not unlike mine. She was in pain and wanted to go through the pain so that at least some of the hurt would seem real.

I could understand that. I knew that Sophia had died for two days before I gave birth to her but the reality of waking up that day knowing that I would be in labour was terrifying.The birth experience was beyond excruciating emotionally but thankfully, mild physically.

For dramatic effect the character had pushed everyone away and for the majority of the labour she was alone. Alone with her thoughts. Alone with her pain. Alone with the terror.

I know it is a fictitious show but there are people out there, I’m sure, who go through unspeakable things like this alone.

I am so lucky to be secure in the knowledge that whatever happens I will never be alone.

My husband was with me every step of the way when I gave birth to our daughter. If he wasn’t my Mum would have been there, or my Dad, or my Brother, or my best friend, or my Mother-in-law, Sister-in-law, Brother-in-law, my Nanna or even my Grandpa. I have friends who would have dropped everything and the list goes on.

I feel blessed and lucky every day for the people in my life.

And so I cried while I watched the show and made a pledge to go see Sophia’s memorial on the weekend.

Then I got up the next day, went for a run and moaned for the rest of the day about how cold and painful my ears were during it. I then wondered if they make leopard print ear muffs.

Life goes on.

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