Things NOT To Say To A New Mama

It happens to us all.

One minute your a glowing pregnant woman….and the next you have a teeny, tiny baby that seems to be the whole communities business.

As a pregnant woman you are up against people trying to touch your belly, telling you what to eat and being quite authoritative about what babies like in the womb….Mozart anyone?

But we know how to defend our own bodies and choices. We’ve been doing that for years.

It’s not until you give birth that you start day one of looking after another little body….. and boy do we feel every inch of that learning curve.

That is why there should actually be a LAW against people who want to give out advice.

Believe me….if we want help we’ll ask for it. It’s the unsolicited advice that really gets our shackles up.

I was once approached (nearly molested) by an older lady in a shopping centre whilst breast-feeding my baby discreetly (muslin cover). She lifted up the muslin and told me my baby couldn’t breathe and was probably not breast-feeding properly because of it. I just put the BREATHABLE muslin back over him so he could continue with his meal uninterrupted.

It may not be rationale….but to new Mama’s this well-meaning advice can sometimes be taken as pure criticism of our mothering skills.

And this makes Mama-bear angry!

We already feel inadequate, unprepared and the tears usually sit behind our eyes all day.

Sooooooooo……

Well-meaning people (I include myself in this because it is sooo easy to do)

If the new mama has not specifically asked for advice then please refrain from:

  • Making comments about how hungry the baby is
  • Telling her how fast you lost your baby weight
  • Ask why the baby is crying (because it’s a baby!)
  • Second guessing what new Mama has just done (settled, fed,burped)
  • Telling a (teary) Mama who is formula feeding her baby how long you breast-fed for
  •  Feed the baby something other than what the Mama specified
  • Say “First time Mum right?” and then laugh
  • Breast is best!

It doesn’t end there of course. Any forays of conversation into…….

Homework practices

Organic meals

Baking

Crafting with kids

Disciplining 

Parenting practices in general 

TV (ipad, iphone, video games) hours

…….are minefields and can give us a good case of the guilts.

 

So I’m writing this post to tell the world that us Mama’s have pretty thick skins and as our children grow we gain confidence and ease with people and their opinions but…..

Lay off the new ones.

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xx

 

 

 

12 Comments

  1. Love it!! It always makes me laugh (not always very nicely) when I get unwanted advice and opinions from strangers… I’m on my third kid… I think I’ve figured out the basics!! I mean, hey, haven’t managed to injury or kill one yet!!

  2. I’ve already had that at the shops yesterday. It’s so frustrating. I just wanted some me time but so many people wanted to give me their opions and I haven’t even had her yet. Man I man.

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