My Heart Hurts

I made a mistake today.

I looked away from my children at the park today for 30 seconds and my little one was gone.

In the ten seconds it took to ascertain he wasn’t close to where we were, real fear set in. A coldness spreading throughout my body and my heart was jumping out of my chest. I started shaking and god-awful scenarios ran through my brain.

We found him within 30 seconds, at another playground, but I honestly didn’t think his little legs could get him there that fast, which is why I overlooked going there first.

I don’t know about you but I have a terrets-like tick that makes me look up every 30 seconds to find everyone of my children whenever we are out and about. I am constantly making sure they are safe and close by.

My child got away from me today but I don’t doubt for one second the love I have for him or question my ability to be the best parent I possibly can be for him.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever made a mistake that thankfully did not turn out the way it could have?

It’s not the first time I’ve made a mistake. It probably won’t be the last.

Which is why this Gorilla thing is hurting my heart so much. When an outpouring of love and compassion is needed for these poor people and this gorgeous animal for this awful mistake, a mob-like hatred has set in on keyboards across the globe.

I don’t watch or read the news but I couldn’t miss the sharing on my feed and or miss the comments I could glimpse before looking away.

Last week a good blogger friend of mine, one of the kindest, biggest-hearted person out there had a group of keyboard warriors attack her. Her person, her business, her children, nothing was off-limits.

They were sent over to her site by a site that has over 80,000 followers, just waiting to hear the latest sarcastic slant on something done by a business or someone online.

I know that the world does not always consist of goodness and light – but is it getting worse?

I do my best to promote kindness, compassion and love but things like this hurt. We are not doing enough to change humanity. By jumping on board our computers and making a horrible comment we are hurting real people.

We are so full of fear. We jump on every person’s mistake like we make none of our own because I guess we are just so thankful it wasn’t us, that we remove ourselves from even imagining how it would feel to be that person. Because that person would be so full of hurt and pain that it is incomprehensible to us. We run away from that pain and by throwing these stones away from ourselves we believe our glass houses cannot be touched.

We are so scared of different because it means that our values and opinions are under threat  and could possibly be perceived as wrong. Because our ego is so huge that we couldn’t deal with the pain of wrong. We couldn’t possibly admit that another person has a right to a different view point because we are scared of what that would mean to let doubt in. To question our righteousness. To let understanding and compassion in.

Because then you suffer.

And your heart might hurt like mine.

But love is always the answer.

And fear is always something you deal with.  Fear is not something you put forth into the world.