Did you read that hilarious post by Brad Kearns about being Mum for the day? It was so well written, hilarious and right on the money, but you know what I, and probably most of the Mums out there, loved the most about it?
The perspective it gave him to appreciate how hard his wife works.
When your life revolves around the washing that never ends, two – three dishwasher loads a day, endless toys to clean up, cherubs to bath, bums to wipe, food to give out, night waking, kids to put down for naps and beds to make…. well there’s just not a lot of fun in there. But you wouldn’t have it any other way.
So if you get the “lucky you” eyebrow raise when you say you went out for coffee (with screaming children!) well….I mean… you just want to hit them over the head with the frying pan.
So why is there such a lack of appreciation in homes around the world regarding a Mother’s work? When we would just like some thanks, some gratitude, some “I see how hard you work honey” comments, – why don’t we get it?
- A lot of it goes unseen – I don’t know about you but I work like a banshee to get things done so I can relax. This does not always work as seemingly the work never ends but a lot of the time my husband can miss the vast amounts of work that is done because I get it done so bloody fast and efficiently.
- Maybe a bit of jealousy – there is a bit of FOMO going on in parenthood. We would all love to be there for the milestones, for the cuddles, for the kisses and long to be “the favourite”, it’s just when the hard stuff comes round some parties are quick to beg off duty…
- Perceived freedom – There is a certain freedom in being able to structure your day the way you want but the reality with children is that plans change, things can seem just out of reach (ie yoga class) and you haven’t had a minute alone since number one came along
- It’s not a habit – gratitude for what we have in our lives is not a practice in a lot of households and even if it is, it’s probably not detailed enough. Saying you are grateful for you husband or wife is great – but what exactly are you grateful for? How many different things can you list that really make your life so beautiful?
- Sometimes when we hear it – we won’t accept it – and that’s about you. Maybe your tired, fed-up, have let everything get to you and now that you are getting what you want – well it’s just not good enough.
But in their defense when we scream, “You do nothing around here!” it’s not always true. My husband works hard, is there for the times that count and if asked directly will do anything I ask.
Sometimes you just need to speak up.
So when your feeling under-appreciated you need to do two things – start sending out some appreciation first (lets be adults here) and speak up about what you are feeling resentful for.
Just remember to appreciate what you have. Appreciate the now. Appreciate the special people in your life.
Send out more love and you will get it right back.
This is all so true, especially number 1. I used to put on a brave face when my OH came home and just told him about all the lovely things that had happened. Oh, this was not the right way to go and he soon got the impression that I had a pretty cushy life just playing with babies all day long! I’ve learned my lesson!
Love it! Yep we do hide the mundanity of it I think – because we do want to be positive but that’s not always reality and it doesn’t help them gain any kind of perspective does it!