I know a bit about what it’s like to feel under-appreciated.
Once that work/kids juggle begins, it can sometimes feel like no-one is happy.
For your husband, working full-time plus the family responsibilities is a lot. It’s all new as well which makes this so much harder. Then (hopefully) he is doing his fair share around the house and so life can feel a little all work and no play for him.
You may feel indignant, you haven’t slept and there is a whole lot of mess you didn’t create to clean up day in and day out. What about your dreams? Your time? I mean how dare he feel stressed out when he’s literally just walked in the door?
Maybe you head to work to clear your head and get out of the drudgery. But whilst you’re there you’re imagining what the kids are doing? What you are missing? Suddenly you want to be home, but when you get there you’re just as tense and just as unhappy.
But….those kids. God they’re cute. You just want to breathe in their smell, hear them giggle and just seriously thank God for blessing you with them. How did you get so lucky?
You rehash the day in your head and go over your actions, berating yourself for the yelling you did, the time you didn’t take to hear their stories and the moments you rushed them when all they wanted to do was be dreamy and so intently focused on what was giving them pleasure.
You vow to be better.
You turn to your husband who is telling you about his stressful day and you just think, “shut up!”. My day was stressful, so awful it turned me into a nightmare Mum and a uninspired worker and I just want to sleep.
So you tell him the things that weren’t great in your day. The nappies or toilet training accidents you cleaned up. The food you didn’t have in the fridge. The trip to the shop with the screaming child. The “friendly” advice you received from strangers about raising children these days.
Your so intent on winning this battle of the stresses, that you’ve forgotten the prize. Or rather the booby prize. if you win, you get to be the most stressed out person in the house. Congratulations!
What you are really asking for is a cuddle right? Just understand me. Just appreciate what I do?
I’ll let you in on a secret. He’s feeling exactly the same way and this one-up manship is not getting anyone anywhere. You can literally do this same dance for years with the same results.
Put down your weapons honey. Surrender and don’t work so hard to win this. Instead you need to start changing the pattern you are in.
It’s not just you.
Almost everyone goes through this exact scenario, I swear to you.
You can either wait for them to grow up (and that’s no guarantee of less stress!) or work out ways to be happier now.
How can you change your morning routine? Your stress levels? The triggers for fights with your husband and yelling at your kids?
You need to ultimately start giving yourself the appreciation you are craving. Stop resenting everything so much. The dishes are what they are. They need to be done. You can either do it whilst enjoying the time spent or do it whilst the anger, and poor me vibes build up in your body.
I stick on a podcast to listen to or some music. You know what this gives me? A good mood and some me time.
I drink a glass of wine, cup of tea or fresh juice, whilst cooking dinner.
I meditate in the morning before I do anything else – the kids get used to it believe me. They still interrupt, sit on my lap and ask me for food but I stick with the time I’ve laid out for it. Every morning. No excuses. I need it to clear my head and get me in the right frame of mind for the day.
What I am saying here is there are so many ways you can look at the world differently and I want you to come on that journey with me.
It’s a more beautiful space to be. I’m not going to nod when you tell me how terrible your day was because what you probably just need is to get some exercise, to meditate, to drink a glass of wine with me and then we are going to laugh about it all and move through it.
Now is the only time you have beautiful.
Use every moment to it’s full potential.
Squeeze as much enjoyment out of life as you can.
Love your kids so hard that they see you as their Mum who is full of fun and joy.
Just like they are.
Enjoy who you are and wherever you may be at.