I Was There

Today has been a fine day.

You know fine.

How are you?

Fine.

How was your day?

Fine.

Not inspiring. Not exciting. Not productive. Not bad. Fine.

In life we go through cycles where we feel more inclined to get things done, motivated to reach our goals and crave the realisation of our dreams.

Sometimes I feel “fine” for a day, sometimes a week. Usually I start to get a bit panicky and I start worrying.  What if I don’t get this done? What if I never feel inspired to write again?  What if every morning I stay on the couch instead of getting on my mat to complete my wake-up yoga?

The reason for it, I usually find, is that I’m tired and I truly need the down time.

So this time I didn’t panic, I just let the day be.

And on this fine day there were moments I wouldn’t have missed for the world. And that makes it an god-damn amazing day.

I could have seen a lot of wrongs today but I stopped judging it. I let the day be and I tried to stay in the present moment.

In that moment I saw my youngest Elijah dump all of his spaghetti on his high chair an hour after the whole house had been cleaned. The dog had spaghetti on her back and is doing an excellent job of cleaning the floor. For a second I am exasperated but as I look at my other two boys I realise that time flies by. That one moment they are dumping out food and the next inhaling it so fast you don’t even see it.

I don’t remember the last time Leo tipped out his plate, nor the last time Julian did it. Maybe this was the last time Elijah will do that and I wasn’t annoyed, I wasn’t frustrated – what I was – was there.

When I was bathing Elijah I told Leo to get his pyjamas on. I heard him put on a CD in his room and then I heard his sweet little voice singing the words to Puff the Magic Dragon. I didn’t even know he knew all the words. But now I do, because I was there.

Julian cried all the way home from school. He was frustrated with pent up anger and although I’ve thought he has been handling this whole broken arm thing marvellously, I can see it’s getting to him. Desperate for a playdate he’s been asking me if “we are free”. I told him we were today. He got excited and tried to organise a playdate without either of the parents being aware.

I had to explain to him that as I didn’t know the other parent I needed to speak to them first. That’s when he started to cry and kick the ground and grit his teeth and breathe through them with anger. But he let me hold him. He did all this whilst leaning into me, my arm around him.

I could have described my day like this:

Blah

Elijah (not even two) did not have a day nap

Julian cried all the way home

Elijah threw spaghetti all over his high chair and my clean house

Leo spent more time in his room playing than doing what I told him to do

My husbands home sick and I can’t go to yoga

But I don’t.

Because I realise that that’s not what my day was. There were pieces of my day that were unique and special and all about love.

To frame it more positively my day went like this:

I got to spend more time with Elijah playing, I got to comfort my son, see the joy in being free with food, spend more time with my family and rest up the way my body is really telling me I need to. I also got to write and am now feeling the tingle of inspiration.

I write these blogs because  I want to remember this day. I want to remember that there are no good or bad days, only the frame we put them in.

I write because I want to change the world. I want you to read this and I want you to see the good in your day. To value what you have. To witness the immense abundance you have.

Even from the couch. Even from a screaming match with your child. Even from a bleary-eyed stumble to a crying child’s bedroom.

Because that’s what being in the moment means. It means it’s not good or bad, it just is. The more we value that,  the clearer our vision becomes and the more joy we let into our lives.

Let the joy in.

Break the habit of complaining. Of seeing the negatives. Of being so consumed by the past or worrying about the future that you are never truly “there”.

We all are only trying to do the best for our children and being “there” is the absolutely most important thing you can do for them.

Followed a close second by modelling the happiest way to be in the world.

If you do this I guarantee your life will change because there is no negative to being positive.

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

  1. I love reading your blogs Nicola. They are inspiring and I always feel like you have just described the way I feel! Never stop writing.

    1. Thank you. Every time someone blows me away with a comment like yours, it seems that I’m thinking about packing it all in and that I’m not making a difference. That I must not expressing the way I feel in a way that is resonating with others. So thank you thank you for writing xxxx

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