When couples first get married it’s pretty easy to be happy.
You have a lot of time to spend with each other and you are each other’s chosen one. You’re together because you love each other.
Down the track, with a few kids in the mix, sometimes it’s easier to go out with the girls than organise a date night. Also that “nurturing” nature you have is pretty depleted by the time hubby comes home.
Things have changed.
I see so many advice columns advocating flowers and “spicing” up the marriage but I think they are wrong.
I think it all comes down to an empty love bank.
What’s a love bank?
A love bank is something that every couple has (whether you know it or not) that you regularly make deposits and withdrawals from.
If you ever feel like you’re marriage is going through a “bad patch” then I’d say there have been way too many withdrawals made and not enough deposits.
How does a couple make deposits?
Sure flowers and a bit of spice help but it’s the little things, the day to day things that can encourage you to write huge deposit cheques for your partner.
Like bathing the children without being asked.
Getting you a cup of tea – without asking how to make it.
Dishes being done without complaint (dishes done with complaint ie. with statements like, “why is the kitchen always a mess” can result in a withdrawal – this can be surprising to your partner)
Getting out of the house and not being called to answer a domestic crisis question
Compliments (this works both ways) – letting your partner know that you still think they are hot can make their day
What about you? How does a wife make deposits?
Biting your tongue sometimes – does he need to know every thing he’s done wrong?
Not always arguing when your partner wants to go out…especially if you regularly go on girls nights (we sometimes see ourselves as deserving and forget our partner needs it too)
Making dinners you know he will like
Getting him a beer when you are getting yourself a wine or tea
As I said, it’s the little things that really make you unique as a couple and special to each other.
I don’t think I need to list them – basically withdrawals are partners being selfish (consistently – allow some selfishness now and again), everything you fight about, lack of communication issues etc.
So do things for each other. Not just for the kids. Not just on date night (make sure you have one – every couple needs time alone).
My Mum is very wise and has told me on numerous occasions that it’s easy to forget your partner when you have kids but the kids grow up and get their own lives – you want to make sure that your marriage is rock solid – they’re called a life partner for a reason.
Photo by Dana Gallop Galleries