How Do You Know When You Are Done?

After four pregnancies in five years, painful varicose veins, the blessing of three healthy boys and an unexpected caesarian…I’ve given a lot of thought to this question lately.

Is this it?

Have I met my family?

I’m so lucky. So blessed. So happy to have been given my three amazing boys and a gorgeous husband to help rear them with me.

But how do you know that you are done?

How did you know?

This time around, for me, the magic of pregnancy wore a little thin….

This time around I can’t wait for Elijah to finish using some of the baby things so that I can pass them on….

This time around the newborn stage is….just as magical. The nights are long and the days even longer but the precious cuddles, the snorting, snuffling sounds, that baby smell and the teeny, tiny little clothes are heart fluttering.

….and the love.

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My heart is just bursting with love for him and my other two kiddies. After you have your first child you just can’t imagine that you could feel the same for any other little person that comes along. But you do. Your heart swells and grows and accommodates.

But this doesn’t stop the fact that the days are long.

Yesterday I couldn’t seem to get on top of anything.

Yesterday Leo needed some attention, but the amount of doing that had to be done before I could give him some, seemed insurmountable.

There was:

Breakfasts and a packed lunch to be made. 

Homework (which we had neglected to do on the weekend) to be done. 

Bags to be packed. 

Five year olds to be dressed. 

Sheets to be washed (that’s what happens when you forget to put an overnight nappy on your two year old) 

Nappy’s, grobags, wraps and outfits to be removed and washed after a poo explosion

Showers to be taken

Babies to be fed

Clean up of the house to be started (a never ending job it seems) 

Washing piles to be put away

So…… temporarily, he was in the playroom watching TV.

Or so I thought.

In actual fact he was upstairs getting into my husband’s hair wax (two jars of it) and using it like a putty. Realising he could’t get it off his hands he started wiping it….onto the couch, onto the carpet, onto the glass, door handles, clean washing and anything else in his vicinity.

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Oblivious to all this I was feeding downstairs and it wasn’t until he yelled, “Mum I peed” (to which this did not refer to him doing it in the toilet) that I noticed he wasn’t where I thought he was.

Cue screaming, time-outs, a half-hearted clean up and a good friend walking in the front door to take some newborn shots of Elijah.

I truly believe that stressed Mummy = stressed kids.

My placid, dream baby spent the next hour or two winging and crying, to be fed constantly……let’s just hope that Dana Gallop Galleries got a better shot than this one I took on my iphone….

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Plus Leo was bouncing around trying to get some attention and some shots of himself.

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Getting them both down for a sleep in the afternoon was hardwork but I did it!!

As I patted myself on the back and prepared for my own sleep I realised that it was nearly 2:30pm and my five year old would be back in half an hour.

No rest for the wicked.

And so I soldiered on.

I tried to online grocery shop but couldn’t focus.

I tried to fill out some paperwork….couldn’t do it.

I tried to think of some good afternoon tea for the kids…nope.

So I gave up.

I snuggled up on the couch with the kids and went to bed as early as I could.

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And so….am I done?

One day doesn’t change things. You get up the next day and the sky seems bluer, the laughter more vivid and your focus sharper….

but I think once I get to properly mourn the end of this beautiful, life-changing era….

I will be done.

How about you? When did you know? What helped you come to that decision?





  1. That was lovely, I really enjoyed reading this, thank you. I have 3 children, and after my last, which was a girl, after 2 boys, I just knew that she would be my last. I was feeling old though,over 40 and had huge problems with my hips, using a wheelchair for most of my last pregnancy, but apart from that, I just felt my family was now complete. I have since volunteered at a mother and toddler group, cuddling new babies, which was lovely, but didn’t make me feel like having another, thank goodness!! x

  2. Congrats on your lovely little one!

    I thought I was happy with two and I was for a good 3 years! But then I realised the thought of not having another scared me so after much discussion we had our 3rd! I thought he would be our last but for some reason Im desperate to go again , the only thing stopping me at this point is the fact I have awfull morning sickness my entire pregnancies!!
    Im just about to enroll in an online course to see if I can get my mind off babies and onto something else!

  3. I always wanted 4. I have 4, and I just feel like it’s done. I love my youngest, but I’m itching to get back into some other work (I’ve been a sahm for nearly 12years!). It just feels different, I don’t ache for another one like i have in the past 🙂

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