Are We Judging Ourselves Too Harshly?

I’m a Mum. I blog. I write.

Recently, I became a chef.

Most e-books about health (like mine), contain a few recipes to get people started. So I got roped into writing down recipes and preparing something special.

To get ready for the photo shoot, I spent the better part of my baby’s naptime destroying the kitchen. Let’s just say I’m not the world’s neatest chef.

I left to pick up my oldest from school and returned to find a wasteland, exactly where my freshly made pasta had been laid out. My Labrador (who happens to be on a diet) looked satisfied and only the tiniest bit sheepish.

Emergency measures were called for.

Did I pull out the pasta machine and start again?

No. I opened the bottle of organic white in my fridge.

The bottle I’d been avoiding while I was trying to cut out wine during the week.

Anyhow, the pact I’d made myself was broken, so I let myself have another. Ok, and maybe another.

The pasta no longer mattered.

During this time I did all the normal things, fixed dinner, got the kids bathed and in their pj’s and sat outside with my husband chatting for a while but then I fell asleep watching TV, around 8:30pm.

I woke up at midnight berating myself. I had stuff to do. I should have remade the pasta. I should have taken out that load of washing. The kitchen is a disaster and the photo shoot is in the morning!

I shouldn’t have had a glass of wine. I broke my promise to myself. I have no willpower.

Guilt, anxiety and I gave myself a good telling off.

A minute or two later I re-grouped, my voice shouting out, “Stop It!!!”

It’s obvious why our stress levels are so high – we expect unrealistic behavioural standards from ourselves at all times.

So how can we stop judging ourselves?

1.       Learn that you are not perfect.

Yes you are unique, yes you are awesome but you are never going to be perfect. Realise how powerful and freeing that concept is. You are not perfect.

2.       Don’t let it spiral.

Accept that you are disappointed but don’t call yourself names, don’t assume because of this behaviour it means something more (ie you have no willpower).

3.       Learn to forgive

The more you forgive yourself from your actions the less likely you will be to criticise yourself in the future.

4.       Know that there is no positive outcome to beating yourself up.

You don’t score points for being the first and the best at telling yourself off. It happened. Don’t let it give you an excuse to batter your self-confidence.

5.       Move On

Our thoughts determine our world.

Believe the positive things you tell yourself and your problems go away.

Be as kind and loving to yourself as you would to others.